i am so content right now. after floating for several years, now i can settle to what i love best.
actually, i never have what normal ppl call "ambition". i dont know what i want to become when i grow up, but at least i know what i dont want to become. i dont want to become a doctor because i flunk my science quiz when i was in form 3. if u remember, one of the chapter in form 3 science is something to do about biology. about the enzyme involve to process the food or something like that la in the chapter. i flunk the quiz on that particular chapter. so it kind of diminished my semangat to be a doctor.
then, in jasin, i was thrown into the account class. i said thrown because i was there by default. must be something to do with the marks during ujian kemasukan kot. for sure markah bhgn sains nenek tu lebih rendah dr markah maths. but, even though i can say that i was quite good in figure, i still cannot grasp the whole accounting idea. would u believe if i said that i never scored in account subject during my whole form 4 year? and when i was in form 5, nenek bljr balik syllabus form 4 just because of spm? that was the beginning i know that i dont want to be in accounting or business.
so, when the top two options of "cool career" has been slashed off, now i am left with the last option: engineering. and i love my chemistry teacher in jasin that i automatically picked chemical engineer as my course in university. my friends knew that i love chemistry in high school that when i got the offer from the university in chemical engineering, they all said that i was lucky to study what i love best.
but did i?
now that i think of it, i think i pick engineering because its the least of three evils. i dont know what i want to do with my life because i dont know where my career is heading. so i decide to just let the wind blew me wherever it intended for me to go. it became worse when the time came for the practical training. most of my friends knew what they want to do and they already sent their application to do the companies they want to do their practical with. but i dont know what i want to do and where i want to go. so i just sent my cv to random companies and decide to accept whatever offered me the placement for practical first.
but fate have a better idea: i received an offer from a consultantcy company in kl. when i called them, they said that i might work in a research team. but i have no idea what they do for a business, and i just assume that they did a lab work through "research project". imagine my surprise when i stand in front of a three-storey shop building on my first day of work. they didnt even have a lab for that matter.
but working with them really opened my eyes. i still remember what one of the kakak said to me during my last day in that company, "kakak tau miza mcm tak serius mebi sbb miza fikir it’s just practical, not the real thing. tp better klu miza committed dr skrg sbb competition between fresh grads dh makin sengit". the irony thing is, its not the "persaingan antara fresh grads makin sengit" yg membuka mata nenek, rather, its the "kakak tau kenapa miza tak serius" part yg buat nenek stopped and think, apa yg nenek nk buat sbnrnya.
so, balik ke utp, i still kind of terawang-awang lagi; tak tau nak ambil specialization apa. then one of the senior who happen to have a complete set of notes for petroleum engineering subject offered her notes to me. so i just kind of "petroleum ke? ermm…bolehla" without thinking the effect on my decision someday. it proves to be disasterous because i’m not interested in petroleum field at all. then i decide to do environment specialization which suits me quite well since i have the background during my practical days. that means i have to take 3 environment subjects in my final year final sem.
then, i found out that only 2 specialization subjects were offered per semester instead of all 4. (in UTP, u have the option whether to have 3+1 specialization or 4+0. 3+1 means u’ll take 3 subjects in a specialization that then will be your major and 1 subject from other specialization that is called a minor. in 4+0, it means u take a pure major, where u take all four subjects from the same specialization. faham tak? tak? hah, buat2 faham je la).
because i have already taken 1 petroleum subject, that means its quite impossible to change specialization because only two environment subjets were offered this sem. so i cant take the 3+1 package. if i were the previous me, nenek akan berserah aje and amek je other petroleum subjeks to simplify the matter. but for the first time in my life, i was so determined take environment as my major that i’m willing to fight for it.
i went to meet my head of programme and was ready to beg and grovel at her feet to let me take environment major. and i was so surprise that i dont really have to do that. the programme head went out of her way to help me and even called some of the lecturers to make sure that they can make some adjustment so i can join their class. and she recognized my problem to have to take 3 subjects when there’s only 2 subjects are offered this sem. her solution? she called the academic unit to make sure that i can take the other environment subject by joining the civil engineering class. i was so amazed by how smooth everything went.
i’ve never felt this way, to have a goal and objetive to fulfill, to have a direction in my life. when i decide to take charge in my life instead of berserah pada takdir and then make my own decision, i actually feel…elated, dignified.i feel…great! now i enjoyed my life and my class more. there are so many labs plus with the one that i’m taking for my final year project, and i’m so damned tired that i feel like doing nothing when i get to my room but sleep but i’m not complaining.
i mean, why complain when u enjoy doing all of that? ;p
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